Jesus and Moses Playing Golf

Jesus and Moses were out on the greens, relaxing and playing a few holes of golf. Upon coming to a difficult shot, Jesus elects to go for the gold instead of playing it safe, laying it up and getting par.

Moses exclaims,”Jesus why are you using your 3 iron, you know you can’t make this shot in one swing, lay it up.”

Jesus then comforts Moses, “Relax my friend, I saw Tiger Woods make a similar shot on T.V. last week, I can do it.”

Upon swinging the mighty club, Jesus inadvertently hits his ball into a water hazard.

“Man,” shouts Jesus,”that was my last ball.”

“Ok, ok, I’ll help you this time,” says Moses.

So with a swift motion of his hand, Moses parts the water hazard and Jesus walks in and claims his ball.

Now, Jesus sets the ball down again in the same spot as before and brings out the 3 iron again.

“Jesus, what are you doing,” asks Moses,”You know you can’t make this shot, you just tried and failed.”

Jesus turns to him and says,”Dont worry, I saw Tiger woods make a similar shot on T.V. last week, I can do it, relax.”

So, Jesus takes his club back, swings and plop…the ball ends up in the water hazard again.

Without waiting Moses parts the water hazard again and Jesus retrieves his ball.

Once more Jesus places the ball in the exact same spot and again takes out the 3 iron.

“Jesus, c’mon man, what on earth are you doing, you know you can’t make this shot and I’m not going to get the ball for you again.”

“Relax My friend I saw Tiger Woods Make the same shot on T.V. last week, I can do it.”

So once again the ball goes into the water hazard after the swing and as said before Moses did not part the water.

So being the enlightened man he is, Jesus calmly walks on top of the water in search of his last ball.

While doing so, two club members who were driving by in their golf cart, noticed a man walking on top of the water.

One man exclaimed,”Who does he think he is Jesus Christ?”

Moses shouts back at him,”No, he thinks he’s Tiger Woods!!”

- Thanks Pete!

Blond, Brunette, and Chickens

There was a brunette walking toward her farm with chickens in a bag.

She ran into a blonde.

The blonde asked,”If I guess how many chickens you have can I have one?”

“Sure,” said the brunette,”shoot, if you guess right you can have both of them!”

The blonde said,”45?”

 - Thanks Crystal!

2X4

A couple of days ago I went to the hardware store to get some 2×4’s.

I told the clerk I needed 35 of them.

He asked me “how long do you want them?”  I replied, “I’ll need them for a long time, I’m building a garage.

- Thanks Dennis!

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